Disappointment, What Rejection REALLY Means & How to Embrace Emotional Healing

I woke up Friday morning antsy to check my email, though I knew it would likely be a few hours before I'd receive what I'd been waiting for. As the kiddos began their morning routine, I distracted myself with their sweet morning snuggles (the 2.5 year old) and teenage-sounding demands of breakfast options not available in our kitchen (the nearly 7 year old). We put on some music and danced around as the autumn light filtered through the golden trees outside our Eastern window. I picked up my phone as the kids began playing house to discover that the email had come through! I inhaled deeply and opened it. My shoulders dropped as I felt that all too familiar punch-in-the-gut kind of feeling... the kind that no amount of emotional healing can fully prepare you for. Disappointment.

We've all felt it.

Our experiences may differ vastly, yet the feeling of human emotions is something we all share. As I re-read the thoughtfully crafted email informing me that I was not selected for the writer's residency program that I'd applied for, I felt a wave of sadness that contained all the little particles of hope I'd infused into this opportunity crash over me. Often when this feeling occurs, it's coupled with a little voice that repeats "not good enough" like a scratched vinyl record. Why wasn't I good enough to be selected? Or why wasn't I good enough for this person to want to be with me? Or why wasn't I good enough to make the team? Or why wasn't I good enough for this job I was qualified for?

The ego is eager to fill in the blank with every reason you already doubt yourself and then partner with your creativity to make up some entirely new ones just for fun. Except it's not fun. It's downright maddening. Which is why we need to be incredibly cognicent of when this is occurring and take the reins from our dear ego, who is trying it's best to protect us and keep us from ever stepping foot outside that comfort zone again. We remove these reins from ego's grip and take a deep, grounding breath before returning them to their rightful place... our spirit.

Our spirit, soul, inner light, Divine guidance (whatever you choose to call it) will only direct us toward love. And love isn't self-doubting, critical, or unkind.

One I paused and breathed my way back to connection with my spirit, I was softly shifting in to a place of gratitude. How thankful I was that the director for this program emailed me so kindly, reassuring me that I was among some incredibly competive applicants of good quality and merit. Thankful for the beautiful connection of a vibrant young woman who encouraged me in applying. Thankful I'd grown into a writer who knew her works to come would be of value for others. Thankful for all those through the years who've believed in and supported me (yes, you!).

After loading the kids up in their carseats to pick up some groceries before we adventured on a little day trip, I found my mind sliding once again over to the negative as I drove. What if I wasn't chosen for this reason, or this one? And just as I began to find myself slipping down the rabbit hole, our daughter exclaimed, "Mom! Mom! Did you hear that!?"

She then proceeded to share the tiniest but crystal clear little whistle. Despite her being in the back seat, I could feel her genuine excitement radiating like the rays of sunshine beaming through the car.

"This is the best day ever! I finally learned how to whistle, I'm almost seven, we get to go to Galena (one of our favorite little spots along the Mississippi River) today! This is just the best day!"

Her glee overtook my returning self-doubt and cleansed my mind of it completely. As I began to embrace exactly what she'd said, a gentle voice inside reminded me of something I'd forgotten...

Sometimes what feels like rejection is simply redirection.

And I absolutely cannot wait to see the joy that arises from the path I'm redirected to. If you've recently felt the ache of disappointment and the grief of something you believed wholeheartedly would occur... please remember that you're not alone. Unknown blessings are already on their way to you my friend! Breathe deeply, keep your face toward the light, and welcome them in.

Love & Healing,

Ashley Kay